Muraki meets Saya and Yuma
by Dark-AmethystUnicorn
Summary: Yay! My first YnM Fic! Just a little ficlet idea I've had for a while, hope everyone enjoys it cause I 've got a ton of these being drafted. T for very slight mention of sexual content.


Disclaimer: I would love to claim to be the sheer brilliance behind YnM, however, sadly my artistic skills are pretty pathetic and I'm writing here, on fanfiction net. No, I don't own it.

A/N: Don't know if this has been done or not, but the idea's been stomping around in my head for a while now. I had to let it out before it killed me. O.o;

Humour fics have no point. I doubt this one does either, do not complain when it has no point or makes no sense or if the characters are OOC. To me humour fics equal a free licence to do what I will to my fandoms.

Oh yea, I may have spelt Enma wrong, I couldn't remember what came first, N or M, and I couldn't bothered checking it so yea…that may be wrong. Help my lazy ass and point it out if it is please.

**Muraki meets…Saya and Yuma.**

It was a typical day in JuOhCho. _Typical_ meaning Tsuzuki and Hisoka had recovered from their latest fight with Muraki, Tsuzuki bemoaning the fact that he had not one, but two perverts chasing him or trying to feed his "precious and fragile" partner apple pie because he needs to put on weight. Hisoka was looking pale and generally being highly antisocial. Though that may have been due to the Hokkaido pair trying to push him into a…rather cute pink dress with a lot of ribbons and matching hat. Tatsumi shook the mental image away and concentrated on his current berating of the latest accountant to complain over the Summons Department expenditures. Blue eyes darted over to the two girls every few seconds.

It was well known within the Ministry of Hades that Enma had could and should be rightfully referred to as two weapons of mass chaos.

These two weapons were known as Saya and Yuma.

For the most part they are overly affectionate pink housed preaching young ladies. Until a pretty-like-a-girl male type humanoid came along. Take Hisoka Kurosaki for example. Hisoka was a quiet and grouchy boy, Saya and Yuma reinforced and scared him with a lot of dresses and pleas for him to cast off his shell of normality. Hisoka wonders just what they meant by _that_.

Hisoka also still carries emotional scarring from his experience at their hands. Mention pink house and he's reduced to a quivering mass of fear. Kawaii ne?

It occurred to Tatsumi one day as he watched Saya and Yuma chase Hisoka with a pink and lacy dress, idly wondering what Konoe was thinking in keeping the pair, that perhaps Enma had been a brilliant strategist in employing the two. Watching his co-workers antics also gave him a _brilliant_ idea.

A familiar grin worked its way onto Tatsumi's face as he closed the folder he was reviewing and stood up, tucking the folder under his arm.

Tsuzuki, noticing the grin usually reserved for slashing his pay cut, promptly fainted, dropping the files that took Hisoka _forever_ to order to the floor. Watari, who had been about to spike the coffee for X number of times –really who could keep count, paled and hastily poured his sex changing potion down the conveniently nearby sink. Employees in the room froze then scattered like rabbits down bunny holes. Bunny holes, incidentally, are not as cute as the name denotes but that's not even fanfiction so ignore this sentence.

Tatsumi had his scary I'm-about-to-cause-someone-fear-they've-never-known look.

Saya and Yuma gulped as he stopped in front of them. "Yes Tatsumi?"

Tatsumi smiled brightly at them. "You have a case." He leaned to whisper. "It's not in your sector but you will take it or I will cut your pay cuts so drastically you'll have to sell your pink house dresses to live."

Being pink house obsessed, this understandably caused the pair to pale dramatically and shiver in fear. "We'll take it." They cried in unison. They grabbed the mission folder and ran out of the building. 

Hisoka breathed a sigh of relief, silently thanking any deity listening for sending Tatsumi to their division. Then inwardly cringed as he realised he was standing around, not working, with _Tatsumi_ in the room.

Tatsumi chuckled wickedly, casting a knowing look at the Kyushu pair causing them to shiver then returned to arguing with the accounting department. Or rather, making the poor boy from the accounting department cry. What a bully.

XXXX

"We get to work in Hisoka's sector!" Saya squealed with joy as the pair skipped along a busy road in downtown Nagasaki. The ever present hearts floating around their heads, occasionally knocking out a fellow pedestrian.

"This is sooo cool! Why didn't Tatsumi say we were covering for our little Hisoka?" Yuma sighed. "I would have said yes immediately."

"I think he wanted to scare us. You know what he's like."  
Yuma shivered. "Don't I ever. He can be so so sooooo scary!"

"Hey Yuma? What are we supposed to be doing?"

"I dunno."

"Maybe we should read the file now."

XXX

Konoe greeted the Kyushu pair as he walked past. He got as far as Tatsumi's offive before stopping. He turned on his heel and peeked out into the office space of the shinigami, blinked then turned to Tatsumi. "Don't those two have a case?"

"No. Saya and Yuma have a case."

"Tatsumi…" Konoe started then stopped himself, mulling over the implications of his secretary's actions. He smiled chuckling as he walked into his own, the chuckling slowly turning into outright laughter.

"Tell Tsuzuki and Kurosaki they have the day off." He chuckled wiping tears from his eyes. "And as for those two…I think a nice bonus is in order don't you?"

"Already wrangled it out of the accounting department." Tatusmi murmured. "Normally I wouldn't but I felt this was a…ah…_necessary expense_."

"You're a genius Tatsumi, dangerous, but a bloody genius." Konoe waved the Kyushu pair before turning back to Tatsumi. "By the way, just what business did you have with the doctor? I noticed the office had been used to make a call to his address."  
Tatsumi smiled innocently. "As a good friend I invited him to dinner with his _favourite_ shinigami…"

Konoe roared with laughter.

XXX

"Ooooh! It says here that we're having dinner with a doctor!"

"Muraki?" Yuma wrinkled her nose in thought. "I swear I've heard that name somewhere."

"Could be a rich single doctor!" Saya cheered.

"Could be…"

XXX

"Rich doctor." Saya squealed eyeing their surroundings with glee. They were seated in a lavish western style dining room waiting for their host.

"Now if he's hot and single, I'm set!" Yuma chirped. They spent a few more moments squealing over the room before Muraki finally showed up.

"Excuse me? I thought Tsuzuki-san was coming." Muraki frowned, he could have sworn his favourite shinigami was coming. Well his favourite and his least favourite tagging along as well, but he took what he could….

"Ooooh!" Saya breathed. "Are you Muraki?"

"Yes." Muraki smiled charmingly. The pair squealed, hands fluttering together. "And you are?"

"Saya!"

"Yuma!"

"Charmed." The Hokkaido pair were now staring at him intently. Probably found him hot. Muraki nodded to himself. They all did right before he killed them.

"Ne Muraki…"

"Yes?"

The pair glomped him.

"You're just like Hisoka darling!" What?! Like the boy!?

"Eeeee! Your hair's so soft! Like a girl! No, better!" A girl?

"He's as pretty as a girl! Look at these features and these hands!" _Pretty_ as a _girl_? No, hot! Masculine! Not girly! Damnit! He was not girly….really.

"Oooh look at his pale skin!"

"It's sooooo soft!"

'Help….' Muraki whimpered in his mind, suddenly wishing he'd stayed in Kyoto with Oriya. What were these creatures? Were they harpies? He didn't know harpies were so…scarily affectionate.

"Ne Saya….wouldn't he look good in _that outfit_?"

For the first time since childhood Muraki had a strong premonition of danger and a shiver of fear ran up his spine at the twin looks of an oddly horrifying adoration. Instincts long buried began screaming for him to run away even as the pair snatched him up in a strong hold and marched him in the bedroom. Bedroom? Oh, that wasn't so bad…

"I didn't realise…you're into threesomes. I can take my clothes off myself you know…what's this? Cosplay?...wait a minute…is this a dr-…oh no…please, I beg of you…oh no, no, no, no, no. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Screams echoed into the night accompanied by delighted fangirl-like squeals and shrieks of 'kawaii'.

XXX

Two oddly content girls floated through the ministry the next day. They hugged Hisoka gently as a good morning before handing him an envelope and floating off to Tatsumi. The words 'best job ever' and pleas for a repeat mission were heard all over the office, even above Tatsumi's….laughing?

Hisoka blinked. Firstly they hadn't mauled him…or attempted to change his wardrobe. Secondly they gave him an envelope, thirdly Tatusmi was laughing and it was 'this is so funny, let's do it again!' kind of laugh often heard from his partner or Watari. Not Tatsumi, never Tatsumi.

He eyed his coffee with suspicion. Perhaps Watari _had_ spiked it after all.

"Ne Soka-chan? What did Saya and Yuma give you?"

"Um." Hisoka peered down at the envelope for a moment before opening it. Two glossy photos slide out from the inside. Inwardly cringing in fear that it might be pink house and Hisoka related he picked them up.

He blinked. Looked at the second photo. Back at the first. Finally his lips quirked into a smile as soft giggles flew from his lips.

"Soka?"

The boy buried his head in the crook of one arm as the other held the photos out for the bewildered man.

Tsuzuki blinked, feeling just a little jealous that the girls had made his Soka laugh so easily as he took the photos. His eyes flew open wide as he gaped down at the photos before he grinned and glomped Hisoka, determined to share the laughter.

Who knew Muraki could look so innocent in a pink lacy dress while sitting on a large and soft pink stuffed pony with a look of utter terror on his face?

The second photo had the man trying to take the dress off while he ran away from Saya who was waving a white bonnet at him.

Hisoka was right. Pink house was evil.

So evil that evil itself was scared of it.

_Meanwhile in Kyoto_.

"But Muraki why would I want to buy the pink house company?" Oriya protested. He'd questioned his friend's sanity numerous times but this was just…

"So I can burn it to the ground! Do you hear me? BURN IT!!"

Oriya sighed as his friend dissolved into uncharacteristic sobs of terror in his arms. One of these days he really needed to have a talk with the shinigami and what appeared to be their newly acquired hobby of harassing Muraki. And then persuade Muraki to stop molesting Tsuzuki-san.

But why did he have the feeling the latter would be easier than the former? And just what was this premonition of danger he felt at the idea?

Muraki had fallen asleep by now. Eyes moving behind their lids as he talked in his sleep. "No…please…no pink pony…"

Oriya blinked. Pony?! _PINK_ PONY?!

END

Waaah! My first YnM fic. Be honest, good? Bad? Funny?

Anou….I want someone to draw those photos, lmao, those images won't leave my head now! Lol

Til next time. Hope you all enjoyed this!


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